by Piyali Bhattacharya

I spent two years planning every single little detail of my wedding to be the most traditional Bengali wedding it could be with a few modern twists. My husband, Tariq, and I are proud feminists and we wanted to make sure that our ceremony reflected that. We worked intensively with our priest and our parents to make sure that our wedding was both a very traditional Hindu Bengali wedding, but also incorporated our feminist values.

Aiburo Bhath (Rice Ceremony)
Aiburo Bhath is a traditional version of a bridal shower. A week before the wedding, my parents called all their close friends and relatives to the house to bless me.  A part of the tradition is for family and friends to feed the bride all of her favorite foods.

Gaye Holud (Turmeric Ceremony)
This very traditional Bengali ceremony entailed all the female members of my family getting me ready for the big day. It’s a ceremony that involved spreading turmeric (haldi in Hindi, holud in Bengali–both of these words simply mean “yellow” because the color of turmeric is a bright mustard yellow) all over my face and arms so to purify my skin.

Vedic Marriage Ceremony following Bengali Traditions
This was something my husband and I really spent a lot of time on, considering we wanted a truly traditional Bengali wedding but we were also 100% committed to bringing into focus our feminist values and belief in a marriage of complete equals. We were very clear that the Vedic ceremony was not something we were doing just for the sake of doing it. It was deeply important to us, and therefore we did not want to get up on the Mandap and simply repeat shlokas that we didn’t understand. So we spent months doing research, and having conversations with our parents, extended family and our priest, Sri Krishna Varanasi.

One of the things we absolutely insisted on leaving out was the concept of Kanyadaan, or the giving away of the bride, a ritual that is a part of ceremonies all over the world. Neither of our families believe it is ever possible to “give away” a daughter, and we equally believe that a son comes to the woman’s house as much as a daughter is added to the man’s family. We also chose to modify the concept of Sindoor Daan, or the marking of the bride by the groom with vermillion powder in the parting of her hair. We did not feel it right for one of us to “mark” the other, yet, to retain the ritual of Sindoor, Tariq and I chose to “mark” each other. So we both received Sindoor.

In these ways, we modified almost every step of the wedding. It was not easy to do, but it was so incredibly worth it. We cannot tell you how many of our friends (and even relatives and elders in the community) came up to us and our parents afterwards and told us that the ceremony had meant so much to them and that if they (or their children) were to have a Vedic wedding ceremony in the future, they would want to incorporate many elements of our ceremony into theirs. Even Sri Krishna-ji mentioned during the wedding that he would like to bring some of these ideas back to his school in India and potentially introduce these changes over there. It was one of the most touching experiences of our lives and Tariq and I will never forget the feeling of being able to share our beliefs and values with our community and having them be so openly embraced.

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We love a bride that really takes the time to research South Asian traditions and incorporates it into her Big Day and Piyali did just that:

“I spent two years planning every single little detail of this wedding to be the most traditional Bengali wedding it could be, in addition to having modern twists for things we thought were essential in our lives today. Both my husband and I are proud feminists and wanted to make sure that our ceremony reflected that. We worked intensively with our priest and our parents to make sure that our wedding was at once a very traditional, Hindu Bengali wedding, and incorporated our feminist values.”

Stay tuned for a full-fledged feature on this amazing Hindu Bengali wedding!

video: society hill studios