As much as The Sari-Clad bride loves to bring you fun and sometimes kitschy ideas for your wedding, sometimes we just have to get real with you guys. Silly rituals are a built-in feature in most weddings but we feel that the following traditions are definitely worth avoiding.

Discloser: At the same time, it is YOUR wedding, so if any of these traditions are near and dear you, all the more power to you!

Having a bridal shower AND bachelorette party. Pick one event and save your bridal party’s sanity and wallets.

Bridesmaid uniforms. We know the idea of all your bridesmaids wearing the same sari/lehenga/salwar kameez/gown is nice in theory—but it’s horrid for the girls themselves. Give them a color scheme or particular dress style instead—everyone will be much happier.

Matron/Maid of Honor. What if your best friend happens to be a guy? You can definitely have a ‘Best Man’ or skip the tradition all together and keep all of your besties on equal footing.

The bouquet toss. We’re convinced that these two were invented to make single people feel awful. Believe it or not, most of the single ladies at your wedding have no desire to get onto the dance floor while you shove your ‘Ha, I’m married and you’re not!’ memorabilia onto them.

Eating old cake. We think that the idea behind saving the top tier of your wedding cake for your one-year anniversary is sweet, but the thought of consuming it is icky. Have your baker make you a fresh version of the top layer of your wedding cake for your anniversary.

Skipping nooky before the wedding. Wedding-night sex will be special no matter what, because it will be the first time you’ll be together as husband and wife, so don’t starve yourselves beforehand! Unless your opting for an arranged marriage and have never been intimate together–in that case, good luck!

An immediate honeymoon. Don’t skimp on your travel plans because the wedding ate up your honeymoon budget. Take a few months or even a year to plan a full-scale honeymoon and go on a smaller getaway right after the wedding.

Niki:

Hello, I am writing you from Vancouver, Canada. I just recently got engaged to a man from France. We are planning a Hindu ceremony for this summer close to his hometown in the south of France. I am finding many obstacles in arranging a Hindu ceremony from so far away and in an area that does not have a large Indian population. The first hurdle that we have encountered is trying to find a Pundit (Hindu Priest) to perform the ceremony. So far, the only Pundit that we have found lives in Germany. Do you have any ideas? Thank you for your time and any assistance you can give!

Dear Niki,

First of all, Congratulations!! The Sari-Clad Bride is always excited to hear about new couples tying the knot! Thank you for contacting us and we would definitely like to help you jump over those hurdles of planning a wedding from so far away. We do have some ideas that may help you. First of all, we would like to inform you about the Hindu temple in Paris listed below:

This is one of the larger temples in Paris. Please contact the temple for their Pundit availability. I am sure it will be cheaper for them to travel within France rather than bringing someone from outside the country.

Since the distance and expenses are usually the big issues with planning a destination wedding, the Sari-Clad Bride also suggests you contact local wedding planners in France to help you with finding a pundit as well as other necessities locally. Remember, a planner provides all types of service and you can pick and choose what you need – you don’t have to spend a lot of money on having a planner plan your whole wedding but he/she can help you with planning certain aspects of the wedding. Some planners we recommend are:

Additionally, if you need to fly someone in and flights are cheaper from England to France than from Germany, below is the information of a great priest from UK who does travel for weddings depending on availibility:

Keep checking us out as we will soon bring you vendor spotlights on some of these contacts that may help you make a wiser choice!

Gaye holud written in Bangla

Gaye holud or haldi also known as a  turmeric ceremony, is a traditional preparatory celebration, which takes place before the wedding. It is the tradition of applying holud or haldi (turmeric paste) on the bride and groom’s skin in order to beautify them for their wedding. Holud is an antiseptic which not only kills germs and bacteria, but also has a yellow hue which gives skin a unique color and glow.

A pre-wedding ritual involving the application of turmeric to the bride and groom is a wide-spread tradition throughout South Asia and in West Indian culture,  it is a very important custom particular to Bengali weddings and sparks a huge celebration by Bengali Muslims, Hindus and Christians. This is also known as the henna/mehndi night in Northern parts of India and in Pakistan. To West Indians, it is known as dig dutty, matti khor, or simply dye rubbing. However, henna/mehndi night itself is also a preparatory celebration in South Asian weddings, where henna/mehndi is used to decorate the bride’s hands and feet as well as the rest of the female guests. This usually occurs only for the bride and usually attended, only by women. However, some do choose to combine the gaye holud and mehndi night together into one ceremony.

Traditionally, the bride and the groom has a separate gaye holud each at his/her respectable home, where the family members from one side attend the celebration at the opposite side. The bride and groom themselves do not participate in each other’s ceremony. The bride’s gaye holud occurs first, usually during noon. The bride wears yellow/orange outfit, adorned with flowers and is seated on a decorative dais (or piri) on a stage. The bride’s family and friends welcome the groom’s family with flowers and sweets as they enter the household bringing gifts and sweets, laying them in front of the sat bride. Everyone puts holud on the bride’s face and body and feeds her sweets, after which they enjoy a feast prepared by the bride’s family. There is always some form of entertainment as women sing and dance for the occasion.

Fruits and sweets for gaye holud ceremony

The groom’s gaye holud occurs right after, often on the night of the same day, since it is usually the day before the wedding. This time the bride’s family brings gifts and sweets, welcomed the same way by the groom’s family and friends. The gifts are laid in front of the sat groom and everyone puts holud on the groom and feeds him sweets, after which they enjoy a feast prepared by the groom’s family. Everyone dresses in yellow, orange and reddish outfits, especially the bride’s side of the family and friends who sometimes wear matching outfits just as bridesmaids do for American weddings.

However, nowadays, gaye holud is often celebrated together, and may occur at a venue rather than the homes of the couple. It can take place the day before the wedding or a few days earlier or even a week beforehand. A lot of brides choose to celebrate gaye holud and a henna/mehndi night back to back. The mehndi night is done before the gaye holud in most cases. In keeping with the tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other at this ceremony, some couples choose to do the ceremony side by side with a partition in the middle.

Gifts are a big part of the gaye holud ceremony. Everything is packed in decorative cane or bamboo trays, baskets and supdas (also known as kula). For the bride’s ceremony, the groom’s family usually brings the following:

Bridal outfit: the sari or lehenga to be worn for the wedding is usually given from by the groom’s family. It is folded decoratively in a tray, sometimes wrapped around a doll. The shoes and bangles can also be given together with the outfit.

Bridal saree

Bridal trousseau: these may include several trays and baskets of items such as perfume, lotion, shampoo, spa items, makeup, hair accessories, etc.

Gifts for the bride’s side of the family: these may include outfits for the bride’s immediate family members such as parents, siblings, aunts and cousins. Often so many gifts are being given that it is not possible to wrap all items in trays and baskets. As a result, some are done as so for show and others are packed in a red suitcase which is sent over to the bride’s home beforehand. The red suitcase is a ceremonial symbol of marriage which is used to pack up the bride’s belongings when leaving her home for the groom.

Gifts for the bride and her family

Sweets: sweets are a must-have for gaye holud. These are a symbol of happiness and celebration as traditionally sweets are used to celebrate any occasion and used for “muk misti”, which means feeding sweets. The family members often choose to bring homemade traditional desserts known as pithe or pitha.

Sweets and pitha

Fruits: bringing fruits is also part of the tradition. Elaborate fruit baskets made from real fruits such as watermelons are a common practice.

Hilsa (ilish) fish dressed as a couple (courtesy of Wikipedia - Arman Aziz)

Fish: Bangladesh is known for its rivers and streams which is why fish is a major part of the diet of Bengali people. As a result, giving fish to the bride’s family is a customary. Usually two large fishes are given – dressed as a wedding couple. One is wrapped in a sari or lehenga and may have a nose ring or earrings attached, representing the bride, while the other is wrapped in men’s clothing such as a Punjabi set or fotua and lungi, the traditional Bengali men’s attire, representing the groom. Nowadays, actual fish is usually replaced with sweets molded as fish.

Sweets molded in fish shapes

Paan: Paan or betel leaf, which is a palate cleanser and a breath freshener, is offered by the groom’s family as a sign of hospitality. This is offered at the gaye holud to the bride’s family, which is served by the bride’s mother to everyone on the wedding day. It is served with supari (areca nut), chuun (a lime paste), and mukhwas (a mix of seeds, nuts and candies).

Hould, mehndi, upton paste: The groom’s family brings the Holud paste to apply on the bride in a decorative bowl or basket as well. The holud paste is a mixture of turmeric and either mustard oil, milk or water. Mehndi is also provided for decorating the bride’s hands and feet. Some women prefer not to apply the holud and therefore a substitute is used such as upton mix or sandalwood.

Supda (kula)

Rakhi: The groom’s mother brings a rakhi to tie on the bride’s wrist as a symbol of a new relationship formed.

DIY Rakhi

For the groom’s ceremony, the bride’s family usually brings the following:

Groom’s wedding outfit: similarly, the groom’s outfit is usually a gift from the bride’s family. It is wrapped nicely as well along with the shoes and brought in a decorative tray.

Groom’s trousseau: these may include several trays and baskets of items such as cologne, grooming items, ties, shirts, accessories, etc.

Gifts for the groom’s side of the family: these may include outfits for the groom’s immediate family members such as parents, siblings, aunts and cousins. As with the brid’s gifts, so many gifts are being given that some are decoratively packed and brought in during the ceremony for show and others are packed ahead and sent over to the groom’s home beforehand.

Gifts for the groom and his family

Sweets: again, sweets are brought by the bride’s family which sometimes include homemade traditional desserts known as pithe or pitha.

Sweets and pitha

Fruits: elaborate fruit baskets made from real fruits such as watermelons are brought as well.

Hould, mehndi, upton paste: The bride’s family also brings the holud paste to apply on the groom in a decorative bowl or basket. This may be substituted by upton mix or sandalwood.

Supda (kula) with mehndi

Supda (kula) with holud and upton mix

Rakhi: The bride’s’s mother brings a rakhi to tie on the groom’s wrist as a symbol of a new relationship formed.

Fruits and sweets for gaye holud ceremony

Pohela Boishakh

Every year, on the first day of the year, Bengalis all over Bangladesh and India celebrate Pohela Boishakh–the Bengali New Year.  This day is filled with food, songs, new saris, etc.  However, one tradition that I learned about during my recent trip to Dhaka, Bangladesh was that of ‘Hal Khata’.  Hal Khata, which literally translates to ‘New Notebook’ in Bangla, is a custom in which jewelry buyers pay up all their debts to jewelry stores on Pohela Boishakh.  In order to show their appreciation, jewelry stores invite their customers for a feast on Pohela Boishakh, which occurs mid-April of every year.

Hal Khata is not only a fun celebration, but also a chance for jewelry stores to introduce their new line of jewelry for the upcoming year and a good time for brides to scope out the goods! My first experience of this Hal Khata tradition was on April of this year and when I stepped into New Jawra House in Dhaka–I was amazed to see the food, festivities, and the displays of new jewelry.

Pohela Boishakh

The Bengali New Year, Pohela Boishakh, is an ideal date for brides to buy jewelry.  Jewelry stores display never before seen items–the majority of which are booked and sold on this day.  I encountered several brides-to-be purchasing their wedding jewelry far in advance of their wedding date to get the best designs and prices. So if you’re planning a shopping trip for your trousseau in Bangladesh or Bengal in India, going during ‘Hal Khata’ would be a smart decision!

Photo: BridalGuide.com

Bride’s Gayer Holud
This day kicks off a four-day wedding extravaganza and it’s The Sari-Clad Bride’s favorite part of a Bengali wedding! It’s a day solely dedicated to the bride, and the groom doesn’t attend this event; only his family and friends do. It’s pretty informal, which makes it really fun—almost like a rehearsal dinner. Traditionally, it usually takes place a day or two before the wedding at the bride’s house, but nowadays gayer holuds are huge events and families usually rent out halls.

A Gayer Holud serves two purposes: It’s the day the bride gets all her goodies—her wedding trousseau which includes her bridal dress (sari), jewelry, shoes as well as other gifts such as makeup, perfume, dresses, basically anything a girl could possibly need (now you see why it’s our favorite?)!  The groom’s family and friends officially hand-deliver the bride’s wedding trousseau as well as presents for the bride’s family.

The other important ritual performed on this day happens when the guests bless the bride by applying yellow paste called ‘holud,’ made of turmeric powder and milk, on her face, arms and basically any other body parts that are exposed. ‘Gayer Holud’ literally means ‘body dye’ which explains the name of this event. Bengalis believe that turmeric helps to lighten and refine the skin, giving the bride a wonderful glow on her wedding day. This is also the day mehndi or henna (a brownish-red dye made from henna leaves) is applied to the bride’s hands and feet in pretty designs.
Groom’s Gayer Holud
A Bengali groom also gets his moment to shine with his very own ‘Gayer Holud,’ which mirrors his bride’s. Holud is also applied to the groom’s body in the form of a blessing and he also receives gifts from the bride’s family. Gayer Holuds typically last long into the night with lots of celebration and dancing and turmeric throwing! A holud fight is inevitable so if you’re going to a gayer holud, be prepared to get some turmeric paste in your hair!

Biye or Nikaah
This is the wedding day, which is called ‘biye’ in Bengali and ‘Nikaah’ in Arabic and where it all happens. Traditionally, the bride and groom are seated in different areas and they take their wedding vows separately in front of an Iman (Muslim priest) and sign a marriage document. An Islamic marriage certificate documents the ‘Mahr’ amount, which is a gift in the form of cash, property or jewelry that the groom gives the bride at the time of the marriage. This was a tradition established early on during the formation of Islamic culture to protect women when most wives were supported financially by their husbands. The Mahr was created so that a woman can attain financial independence in case she is widowed or divorced.

After the bride and groom are officially married, the newlyweds are seated together for the first time as man and wife, and take part in a bunch of old-time traditions, including drinking from the same glass in order to “increase their love for one another,” an exchange of garlands made out of flowers to bring them closer to each other, and my personal favorite, when the groom’s shoes are stolen! It’s up to the bride’s siblings, cousins and friends to get together to steal the groom’s shoes while he is sitting down and in return for his shoes, the groom has to pay. Another favorite tradition is the customary “paying at the gate.” In this case, the groom and his wedding party are called the ‘baraath’ and they get to the wedding venue after the bride’s wedding party has already entered. All the young people from the bride’s side hold the ‘gate’ and refuse to let the baraath in until they pay whatever the bride’s wedding party demands.

Boubhath or Walima
The wedding is typically hosted by the bride’s family and the reception or ‘boubhath’ is thrown by the groom’s family a few days or weeks after the wedding, to welcome the new bride into the family. The boubhath is basically a relaxed version of the wedding day where the bride and groom can mingle with their guests, dance and have fun. The wedding day is typically more rigid as the newlyweds have many customs to follow, so the guests usually end up having more fun than the couple!

Original article can be found at BridalGuide.com.