By Sreesha Vaman, co-founder of Sari Closet

In high school, 16 years ago, I spent a summer as a hockey camp counselor.  One of my campers was a six-year-old Chinese-American whirlwind-on-skates named Sean. One day, one of the Caucasian-American dads came up to me and asked about how Sean was doing. I thought it was very rude that he was asking me about another camper, and told him as much.

Turns out he was Sean’s father.

Waiter, may I please have some pepper with that foot?

Interracial couples are fast becoming commonplace here in America, as the melting pot of cultures integrates even further.  According to the Pew Research Center, 14.6% of all new marriages are of interracial couples – a rate that has doubled since 1980. Further, over 60% of people surveyed by Pew said that they would approve of a family member who wanted to marry someone outside of their race. At Sari Closet, the online sari rental service that I co-founded earlier this year, we are seeing similar trends amongst our customers.  And as more South Asians marry more non-South Asians, the demand for blended cultural experiences has grown exponentially.

But what is the best way to hold an interracial wedding? One way is to cheat, like I did: we held separate events for my (Muslim) wife’s community and my (Hindu) community. But the last event was really not fun, which is the “writing of costly cheques” ceremony.

Interracial weddings — like interracial marriages — are most successful when both cultures are equally represented.  The best man at my wedding, who was from Germany, married a lovely woman from Japan. Not only did both cultures get well represented in the decorations and food, but both fathers downed ceremonial pints of a blend of Loewenbraeu and Kirin Ichiban.

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by Piyali Bhattacharya

I spent two years planning every single little detail of my wedding to be the most traditional Bengali wedding it could be with a few modern twists. My husband, Tariq, and I are proud feminists and we wanted to make sure that our ceremony reflected that. We worked intensively with our priest and our parents to make sure that our wedding was both a very traditional Hindu Bengali wedding, but also incorporated our feminist values.

Aiburo Bhath (Rice Ceremony)
Aiburo Bhath is a traditional version of a bridal shower. A week before the wedding, my parents called all their close friends and relatives to the house to bless me.  A part of the tradition is for family and friends to feed the bride all of her favorite foods.

Gaye Holud (Turmeric Ceremony)
This very traditional Bengali ceremony entailed all the female members of my family getting me ready for the big day. It’s a ceremony that involved spreading turmeric (haldi in Hindi, holud in Bengali–both of these words simply mean “yellow” because the color of turmeric is a bright mustard yellow) all over my face and arms so to purify my skin.

Vedic Marriage Ceremony following Bengali Traditions
This was something my husband and I really spent a lot of time on, considering we wanted a truly traditional Bengali wedding but we were also 100% committed to bringing into focus our feminist values and belief in a marriage of complete equals. We were very clear that the Vedic ceremony was not something we were doing just for the sake of doing it. It was deeply important to us, and therefore we did not want to get up on the Mandap and simply repeat shlokas that we didn’t understand. So we spent months doing research, and having conversations with our parents, extended family and our priest, Sri Krishna Varanasi.

One of the things we absolutely insisted on leaving out was the concept of Kanyadaan, or the giving away of the bride, a ritual that is a part of ceremonies all over the world. Neither of our families believe it is ever possible to “give away” a daughter, and we equally believe that a son comes to the woman’s house as much as a daughter is added to the man’s family. We also chose to modify the concept of Sindoor Daan, or the marking of the bride by the groom with vermillion powder in the parting of her hair. We did not feel it right for one of us to “mark” the other, yet, to retain the ritual of Sindoor, Tariq and I chose to “mark” each other. So we both received Sindoor.

In these ways, we modified almost every step of the wedding. It was not easy to do, but it was so incredibly worth it. We cannot tell you how many of our friends (and even relatives and elders in the community) came up to us and our parents afterwards and told us that the ceremony had meant so much to them and that if they (or their children) were to have a Vedic wedding ceremony in the future, they would want to incorporate many elements of our ceremony into theirs. Even Sri Krishna-ji mentioned during the wedding that he would like to bring some of these ideas back to his school in India and potentially introduce these changes over there. It was one of the most touching experiences of our lives and Tariq and I will never forget the feeling of being able to share our beliefs and values with our community and having them be so openly embraced.

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When we first laid eyes on Sapna Magazine Editor-in-Chief, Natasha Khan Kazi’s, wedding-day photos, we positively squealed in delight! This ultra-glamorous bride incorporated all the fun traditions that make Bangladeshi Muslim weddings unique.

The Traditional Red Banarasi Sari and Classic Gold Bling

Natasha’s red banarasi sari, gauze-like oorna (veil) and heavy gold jewlery was right on the money with Bengali tradition. Natasha chose a  beautiful modern day red banarasi silk sari with delicate pearl embroidery and paisley designs. Red is considered a lucky color for weddings which is why tradition dictates that Bengali brides wear this auspicious color. While many modern-day Bengali brides choose lehengas, a classic Benarasi sari is the ultimate look for any Bengali bride. Benarasi saris originated in Varanasi, India during the Mughal period. Benarasis are known for their intricatee Persian designs combined with  Indian patterns on beautiful hand-woven delicate silks. Upper-class Bengali society took on this trend and it eventually became a traditional part of a Bengali bride’s trousseau. Read more

As much as The Sari-Clad bride loves to bring you fun and sometimes kitschy ideas for your wedding, sometimes we just have to get real with you guys. Silly rituals are a built-in feature in most weddings but we feel that the following traditions are definitely worth avoiding.

Discloser: At the same time, it is YOUR wedding, so if any of these traditions are near and dear you, all the more power to you!

Having a bridal shower AND bachelorette party. Pick one event and save your bridal party’s sanity and wallets.

Bridesmaid uniforms. We know the idea of all your bridesmaids wearing the same sari/lehenga/salwar kameez/gown is nice in theory—but it’s horrid for the girls themselves. Give them a color scheme or particular dress style instead—everyone will be much happier.

Matron/Maid of Honor. What if your best friend happens to be a guy? You can definitely have a ‘Best Man’ or skip the tradition all together and keep all of your besties on equal footing.

The bouquet toss. We’re convinced that these two were invented to make single people feel awful. Believe it or not, most of the single ladies at your wedding have no desire to get onto the dance floor while you shove your ‘Ha, I’m married and you’re not!’ memorabilia onto them.

Eating old cake. We think that the idea behind saving the top tier of your wedding cake for your one-year anniversary is sweet, but the thought of consuming it is icky. Have your baker make you a fresh version of the top layer of your wedding cake for your anniversary.

Skipping nooky before the wedding. Wedding-night sex will be special no matter what, because it will be the first time you’ll be together as husband and wife, so don’t starve yourselves beforehand! Unless your opting for an arranged marriage and have never been intimate together–in that case, good luck!

An immediate honeymoon. Don’t skimp on your travel plans because the wedding ate up your honeymoon budget. Take a few months or even a year to plan a full-scale honeymoon and go on a smaller getaway right after the wedding.

Niki:

Hello, I am writing you from Vancouver, Canada. I just recently got engaged to a man from France. We are planning a Hindu ceremony for this summer close to his hometown in the south of France. I am finding many obstacles in arranging a Hindu ceremony from so far away and in an area that does not have a large Indian population. The first hurdle that we have encountered is trying to find a Pundit (Hindu Priest) to perform the ceremony. So far, the only Pundit that we have found lives in Germany. Do you have any ideas? Thank you for your time and any assistance you can give!

Dear Niki,

First of all, Congratulations!! The Sari-Clad Bride is always excited to hear about new couples tying the knot! Thank you for contacting us and we would definitely like to help you jump over those hurdles of planning a wedding from so far away. We do have some ideas that may help you. First of all, we would like to inform you about the Hindu temple in Paris listed below:

This is one of the larger temples in Paris. Please contact the temple for their Pundit availability. I am sure it will be cheaper for them to travel within France rather than bringing someone from outside the country.

Since the distance and expenses are usually the big issues with planning a destination wedding, the Sari-Clad Bride also suggests you contact local wedding planners in France to help you with finding a pundit as well as other necessities locally. Remember, a planner provides all types of service and you can pick and choose what you need – you don’t have to spend a lot of money on having a planner plan your whole wedding but he/she can help you with planning certain aspects of the wedding. Some planners we recommend are:

Additionally, if you need to fly someone in and flights are cheaper from England to France than from Germany, below is the information of a great priest from UK who does travel for weddings depending on availibility:

Keep checking us out as we will soon bring you vendor spotlights on some of these contacts that may help you make a wiser choice!

Gaye holud written in Bangla

Gaye holud or haldi also known as a  turmeric ceremony, is a traditional preparatory celebration, which takes place before the wedding. It is the tradition of applying holud or haldi (turmeric paste) on the bride and groom’s skin in order to beautify them for their wedding. Holud is an antiseptic which not only kills germs and bacteria, but also has a yellow hue which gives skin a unique color and glow.

A pre-wedding ritual involving the application of turmeric to the bride and groom is a wide-spread tradition throughout South Asia and in West Indian culture,  it is a very important custom particular to Bengali weddings and sparks a huge celebration by Bengali Muslims, Hindus and Christians. This is also known as the henna/mehndi night in Northern parts of India and in Pakistan. To West Indians, it is known as dig dutty, matti khor, or simply dye rubbing. However, henna/mehndi night itself is also a preparatory celebration in South Asian weddings, where henna/mehndi is used to decorate the bride’s hands and feet as well as the rest of the female guests. This usually occurs only for the bride and usually attended, only by women. However, some do choose to combine the gaye holud and mehndi night together into one ceremony. Read more

Pohela Boishakh

Every year, on the first day of the year, Bengalis all over Bangladesh and India celebrate Pohela Boishakh–the Bengali New Year.  This day is filled with food, songs, new saris, etc.  However, one tradition that I learned about during my recent trip to Dhaka, Bangladesh was that of ‘Hal Khata’.  Hal Khata, which literally translates to ‘New Notebook’ in Bangla, is a custom in which jewelry buyers pay up all their debts to jewelry stores on Pohela Boishakh.  In order to show their appreciation, jewelry stores invite their customers for a feast on Pohela Boishakh, which occurs mid-April of every year.

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